The children become more adult, the less place in their life has to remain to obedience and the more responsibility. That the grown-up child could realize the dream, he has to have tools for this purpose. And the adolescence is the most suitable time to teach the teenager to be responsible. Cultivating this quality in the child, it is necessary to manage to find balance between freedom, control and prudence.
Instruction
1. Think of the teenager as the responsible person. You speak about it to him and people around more often. Because the child in estimates of himself will be guided by estimates of adults. If you are convinced: "He will never make anything itself, its all the time needs to be forced", - your child will be obligatory to think as well will do nothing without pressure. Try to replace the internal negative installations with positive thoughts. And instead of: "He is not able to make decisions". Let will be: "I trust the child, he can quite take care of himself and is responsible for the acts". If you really believe in it, also the child will believe and consequently he, will begin to act differently.
2. Do not confuse sense of duty and obedience with responsibility. Often parents dream that the child was able to be responsible for himself and the actions. But at the same time they subject the teenager to strict control and implicit obedience. But to be responsible means to make decisions voluntarily, to understand need of actions and to finish them. At the small child it is possible to train sense of responsibility. For example to give the chance most to choose duties (washing of ware, cleaning, care for pets, etc.).
3. You do not hurry to grant all desires and to satisfy all needs of the child. Because if the person constantly has a food, is always clean in the apartment, and clothes, books and money for entertainments appear at the right time, then he just has no incentives to become independent. To avoid quarrels on this soil, agree with the teenager that you will gradually reduce the financial presence at his life. And better make the whole program for several months or years.
4. Do not hide information on the money spent for him from the child. Some parents believe that their child has to have all and do not consider how much it costs to them. But when the daughter or the son become more senior, expenses increase. And parents are quite often forced to limit themselves. And the child does not even suspect about it, getting used that all his requirements are always satisfied.
5. You teach the child to handle money. For this purpose at first have a talk with him about to what it presents the future what requirements at it, on what salary he counts, etc. Then stipulate the rule of the report on all the money issued by you and spent by it. So the teenager will learn to be responsible for expenditure and to control the expenses. Certainly, do not distribute this rule to money which he earned independently. And, at last, help it to pass to self-sufficiency - to find a suitable job, to make the personal budget, to remove certain housing. You remember, the child has to know accurately what means he has for a week (month).
6. Define from what age your child has to provide itself. For example, let it will be age of 20 years or the termination of institute. In advance agree with the teenager about it and sometimes remind him: ""In half a year (one or two years) you need to find a job and to pay the expenses"". Be consecutive and unshakable. Carry out the decision, even in case seems to you that the child is not absolutely ready yet.
7. Do not give in on provocation. It is quite natural that the child will try to return at first to the former place where all gave and nothing was demanded. Sometimes you will be feels incredibly sorry for him, and in the head thoughts will appear: "Well can buy it this dress nevertheless?" or "Well why I cannot feed the only son?"